Monday, January 31, 2011

You. Me. The Smiths

And if a double-decker bus crashes into us
To die by your side is such a heavenly way to die
And if a ten ton truck kills the both of us
To die by your side, well, the pleasure and the privilege is mine

               - There is a light that never goes out

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Graceful like a swan

I have been known to struggle with balance at the best of times...there was one incident at work in which I was sitting, stationary in my chair and seconds later was miraculously on my back looking up at the ceiling which, by the way, is horrendous and something should be done about it.

One of my greatest balance-related achievements during a trip to Thailand in 2008, one of the best and most detrimental to my wellbeing. On the first night I managed to lose my wallet with my atm cards, credit cards and drivers licence and was forced for the rest of the trip to transfer money into my girlfriends account so that she could withdraw cash for me...poor love must have gotten over it after 3 weeks. In the second club, my girlfriend stacked it quite spectacularly down a particularly steep set of stairs, in the process, spilling her Sex On The Beach all over the place. In fits of hysteria I carefully picked my way down the stairs, halfway down finding the ice from her cocktail and continuing the rest of the stairs on my coccyx, fracturing it and condemning myself to a life of extreme discomfort during prolonged periods of sitting.

With this injury in tow, we made friends with a couple of guys from Sydney and at the last minute, coerced some poor taxi driver into driving us from Patong to Koh Phangan to the full moon party which is about an 18 hour round trip involving 4 ferries and stopping in at Koh Samui. The poor guy had to call his wife and explain that he wouldn't be home that night...

After downing a couple of "buckets" (a childrens sand pail with 2 cans of red bull or coke, a flask of your chosen spirit and a handful of fluro drinking straws for about $6) a number of spectacularly cheap tequila shots and a few chugs of some strangers VERY suspicious shake, I was in a pretty special place.

Specifically I was atop a bamboo podium with my girlfriend wearing only the shortest skirt that Thailand has ever seen and a bikini top...how proud my mother must be. At this point, the friends that we came with, who happened to be large, male, tanned, shirtless friends were waving at us to get us to join them in some flaming jump rope (another venture that unsuprisingly ended in rather badly with scorched calves all round) In my euphoric state of awesomeness, I opted for a spectacularly graceful, at least it was graceful, leap into aforementioned friends arms. Turns out that they were not right in front of the podium but infact about 15 meters away  so my well times and swan-like dive into their arms ended with me landing somewhat awkwardly in the soft sand.

Brushing myself off and looking around to see if any of the other 10,000 revellers had seen my faux pas I continued to dance my way, gracefully again, to the group. It took several falls and my friend coming to pick me up out of the sand to realise that my left kneecap was no longer in its usual place and seeemed to be trying to escape from my skin. Cue mass hysteria from everyone but me. Quite calmly I stood up on my non-disclocated leg and thwacked my AWOL patella back into place. Cue massive screaming, again, from everyone but me.

In hindsight saying "look its fine" and continuing to dance for 3 hours to prove my point because I was too wasted to feel anything was probably not the best idea i've ever had. It did mean that I spent the rest of the trip dosed up on over the counter morpheine and other interesting looking painkillers. After 3 years, a few half hearted visits to different physios to prepare me for a trek through the Himalayas, some very sporadic rehab and a couple of rub downs from a very perplexed massage therapist my knee and I am only now back on good terms. We can now run a few kilometers before it flares up and I start yelling at it, its like our thing.

Its a long road to recovery but I have faith that we will one day frolick again.

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Sunday, January 30, 2011

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels

For a mere mortal, not one blessed with the flawless and enviable genes and talent of people like Tiah DelaneyJess Hart or Zanita there is nothing quite like getting in front of the camera  to make you feel like you need to lose a couple of kilos, to make you wonder if perhaps your mother was maybe stretching the truth or had a serious case of "eye of the beholder" when she told you from day dot that you were the most beautiful thing on earth and maybe...just maybe that you're not quite on the same plane as Kate Moss.






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Friday, January 28, 2011

Hey Mr. Music man

To my new and highly musical neighbour. Having played various instruments for around 14 years I absolutely appreciate the continuing need to practice at your chosen instruments, to hone your mad skills and create musical nirvana. I'm really sorry buddy but Kurt Cobain already did that in the 80's and  90's.

Also, bongo drums...at 11:42pm...really?

A good point to note would be that it can be beneficial to practice an entire song, adding songs in their entirity to your repertoir makes you much more marketable and ever so slightly more credible as an artist. Not that your repetitious rendition of "go go power rangers" isn't groundbreaking but learning the rest of the lyrics may be somewhat favourable. Thank you, by the way, for getting that stuck in my head for 4 days.

And again now.

Living next to you is like a gift that keeps on giving. Best Blogger Tips

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Can't say I didn't try

I like to think that i'm relatively welcoming and accomodating person, that I give people a go. Yes, I can be a judgemental bitch sometimes but not in the outspoken yelling things at random strangers in the street way. More in the muttering "oh honey, I think the salesgirl lied to you when you were trying that on" from the safety of my car way. Much less toxic. And before you go getting on your high horse, don't pretend that you don't do it too.

But there are some people who, despite my concerted efforts, and believe you me, my efforts were concerted, that I simply cannot like. It is that one person in particular who pushes my buttons. Whose very presence gets my back up. I hear their voice and I need to physically restrain myself from taking off my shoe and throwing it at them...it does help that I have fabulous shoes that don't deserve to be thrown...its times like this that I wish I wasn't allergic to pleather footwear. That's a lie. Pleather is an abomination but that's another story.

Its not the way that you dress or wear your hair, its not your shoes or your adversity to certain things which are awesome although there is definitely something wrong with you because you don't like them. It is your massive ego, smug self satisfation and decidedly misguided superior attitude. Its the way that you make the most commonplace and rudimentary comments into something accusatory, argumentative and condescending.

Just so you know...

You're kind of an tool.


Side note: Aforementioned person doesn't deserve Heidi Klum but she's hot and I couldn't resist. Also while searching for an appropriate accompanying picture for this post I have discovered that when you search for "bitch" you get an extraordinary amount of photos of Miley Cyrus...poor kid is getting whaled on by the web-iverse. Best Blogger Tips

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Heffalump Days

You know those days where, no matter what you have eaten, how much exercise you did the previous week or how much water you have consumed, you still feel like you should be hovering over a stadium somewhere with "Goodyear" written on you?

I am having one of those days.

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Emergency

I may or may not have just been attacked by a hand cart.
Not unlike this one.

Happily, with my not so secret ninja skills, I thwarted its plan. Best Blogger Tips

Monday, January 24, 2011

Devastation ensues

Over the weekend it came to my attention that while moving I may have accidentally thrown out a couple of things that I DEFINITELY didn't mean to get rid of.

The first is a box of photographs, many of them pre-dating digital cameras; photos of my trip to Japan, all the photos from my teen years and some from my childhood. Upsetting, mostly because of the loss of such prime examples of how incredibly photogenic I am...this is a lie. Until the digital-era, where we discovered image control: the ability to delete incriminating photos before they could be viewed by the judging eyes of the woman in the photo developing booth. Until this time you had no way to tell whether that once in a lifetime photographic opportunity came out or whether you had wasted $8.99 on an entire film of overexposed, fuzzy nothing photos.

Most of the photos in the box are probably out of focus, taken in terrible light or depict me doing something that makes me look like I should have been Quasimodoed away from public view but for the few good pictures that I know are in there, the ones snapped at just the right moment at the crossing in Shibuya, from the top of Takeshita-Dori in Harajuku i'm a little distraught. Given, there are definitely a couple of photos in there that are better off never seeing the light of day but I would have liked to have been able to go through and digitalise the ones worth saving and dispose of the photographicevidence of the zipper sided jeans I wore in the early years of high school or the time I discovered what happens when you have the alcohol tolerance of a teaspoon and mix every spirit your 18 year old friends will buy you. I give you a tip, you end up scantily clad and vomiting in your friends garden. Not the hottest look going around.


The second is a notebook, the raw and as-yet untouched notes for a book that I was writing, chronicling my trip to India. It would be a travel book the likes of which had never been seen written in such an original and entertaining manner that I would be verily catapaulted to the top of the New York Times best seller list and be able to live out the rest of my days in comfortable fortune, writing from the villa in Tuscany that I would inevitably purchase with the royalties of that first incredible book.

But alas, it seems that the only audience that my masterpiece will entertain will be the rubbish at the Melbourne tip. I will try and rewrite it, using the chronicled photos (digital imagey goodness) from the 3 cameras taken on the trip and hope that I can find those moments and feelings again.

In short. Don't throw anything out. Ever. Unless you are a billion percent sure that it isn't something that will make you a millionare. Best Blogger Tips

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Originality is nonexistent

Nothing is original. Steal from anywhere that resonates with inspiration or fuels your imagination. Devour old films, new films, music, books, paintings, photographs, poems, dreams, random conversations, architecture, bridges, street signs, trees, clouds, bodies of water, light and shadows. Select only things to steal from that speak directly to your soul. If you do this, your work (and theft) will be authentic. Authenticity is invaluable; originality is nonexistent. And don’t bother concealing your thievery—celebrate it if you feel like it. In any case, always remember what Jean-Luc Godard said: “It’s not where you take things from—it’s where you take them to.
           
           -Jim Jarmusch




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Saturday, January 22, 2011

Parting is such sweet sorrow

You were mine for 9 years...well 8 years 10 months and a few days give or take but who's counting. We started out slow, I was young and you were cool and dangerous and elevated my status or at least that's what I told my 14 year old self.

As I got older so did the intensity of our relationship, we spent more and more time together and all the time I hid you from my parents knowing that they would disapprove.

Once I moved out of home you were with me every day. We spent long days and late nights together, every free minute I was with you. I would steal away from work just to be alone with you for a few minutes. As the years went on and I became more dependent on you I started to realise just how unhealthy our relationship had gotten. There was no longer any separation, I couldn't be without you.

Despite this, I couldn't leave you. I would become so disenchanted, even disgusted by you but one good day, one long summer evening spent together on the balcony with a few beers and all was forgotten. You were good to me, you were my security blanket, you gave me confidence, and you still made me feel cool, like I was a part of the elite.

This is why I was so surprised at how easy it was to leave you behind, a week after I ended it I passed you in the street and your very presence and my proximity to you made me wonder how I had ever kept you around at all, why I spent so much time and money on you.

We had a good run but I outgrew you. It wasn't hard for me to turn my back.

I do not mourn you, cigarettes.

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Friday, January 21, 2011

You left this morning

Source: le love
 You're only going for 3 days...but i'm still allowed to miss you Best Blogger Tips

Shameless Self Promotion

It has happened, Something Cakes has made it to Facebook.

It was a slow process...well slow for me. For the woman who will buy a pair of shoes a size too small rather than wait to see if any other stores have them because I MUST HAVE THEM NOW, waiting for anything for any period of time is slow.

Yes...my 2 week old blog has now made it out into the world and is being lovingly shoved down the throats of my facebook community.

Just a handy hint guys...the sooner you click "follow" or subscribe, the sooner i'll stop posting a link to my blog on your every status, post, photo. Best Blogger Tips

The Kings of Sole

Few things in life bring  me such immediate joy and complete disregard for my financial wellbeing as a pair of buy-me-i'm-too-fabulous-not-to-have shoes.


So i dedicate this post to the men that have changed womens footwear so that we may all revel in ther genius.


Jimmy Choo, Manolo Blahnik, Yves Saint Laurent, Christian Louboutin...we who are about to buy salute you. Best Blogger Tips

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Follow your bliss

Follow your bliss.
If you do follow your bliss,
you put yourself on a kind of track
that has been there all the while waiting for you,
and the life you ought to be living
is the one you are living.
When you can see that,
you begin to meet people
who are in the field of your bliss,
and they open the doors to you.
I say, follow your bliss and don't be afraid,
and doors will open
where you didn't know they were going to be.
If you follow your bliss,
doors will open for you that wouldn't have opened for anyone else.
      
          -Joseph Campbell Best Blogger Tips

Chanello

My lunch is almost this good.

Almost. Best Blogger Tips

Model Ink

While they are no longer considered only for bikers and sailors, the world still seems divided on the subject of tattoos. You love them. You hate them. You like them because it is no longer socially acceptable to discriminate on the basis of ink-ual orientation.
I am the first, my mother is the second and the third I guess is just an extension of the first, the ones that say "I'm don't hate tattos, I have tattooed friends and i'm totally fine with them".

I will make a post with my own tattoos soon...
Source: The Light of God and Girls
Source: La Boheme


Source: Smokeye
Source: the clothes are disposable. the attitude is priceless

 









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Royale with Cheese


I like to start my day off with a little Tarantino...keeps you on your toes. Best Blogger Tips

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Savage Garden Love

C: Sending you giant hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

D: Those are kisses, these are hugs 000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
Here are some hugs AND kisses (not that it’s a competition or anything) just for you x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x

O: Love you all so much....I honestly don’t know what I’d do with out you all

C: This is what we’re here for, to love and hug each other and make everything ok. To cut those bitches that need cutting and scorn those men who need scorning…this is lady love!

O: And where would the world be without lady love!!!!!!

G: Agreed with Cakes on everything, especially "CUT THEM BITCHES!!!!!". We love you, madly deeply truly.
C: We love you Savage Garden much!

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Lean-ish, mean fitness machine

It turns out that my investment in a set of those expensive, tell you all the different ways that you're fat, scales has paid off. Since December (that's right, over the holiday season) I have lost 3% body fat.

To be honest i'm not entirely sure how it happened...sure i've been eating better, I do PT sessions twice a week (these were cancelled over the holidays) and started running...but not 3% body fat running. I am the struggliest person running the Botanical Gardens track of an afternoon. I am the one who, after running from home to the track and up the big hill, walks a while and wills herself to run to the next tree...then walks some more...then runs to the next tree and so on. That is me. Mayor of Struggle Town. Also the Mayor of This Song Isn't Inspiring So I'd Better Walk While I Choose and Appropriately Inspiring One Town and currently running for office for Mayor of I Need New Running Shoes So I'd Better Not Run Until I Get New Ones Town.
 
Oh yeah...dedication to the cause.

I like to think that one day I will look this awesome an coordinated when I run.
Until then I will continue to buy running clothes, shoes, sunglasses...and running like a girl Best Blogger Tips

He's coming!!!

Bob Dylan is coming to Melbourne...I found out yesterday and yes, I lost my shit. Best Blogger Tips

It's happening.

Italy, that is...the wheels are in motion...well, the tiny cogs that turn the bigger cogs which in turn make the other cogs turn and so on and so forth until we have movement!
It's happening.
Note my resolved face. Best Blogger Tips

Monday, January 17, 2011

Indian Times Part 4...Last one...I Promise

I really had intended for India to take up far less space than it has...but there is so much to see that it seems to have dominated...and what Indian trip would be complete without the Taj Mahal.

I won't write a background history on the place...there are a million websites telling you all about it. I will tell you that it is beautiful. I will tell you that the compound is massive...you never really think about what's around the actualy monument. I stood in the archway that you walk through to get from the outer compound and stared, I stood there for a good couple of minutes just staring at this monument. It is breathtaking. It is everything that you hoped it would be. Yes, there are tourists there but it just doesn't matter.
You walk up those marble stairs with little medical-type booties over your shoes so as not to damage the marble and you spend your time in awe...there is nothing else for it!


 
 
 
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Indian Times Part 3...

After coming down off the mountain we stayed very briefly in the town of Dharali, famous for its apple orchards. The town itself is set along the Ganges and is so tiny and relaxed, the people are so lovely and it is exactly what you need after a long and hard trek.

Interesting fact: you can't get 3g phone reception in my home town of Ballina on the NSW north coast but you can get it at 3000m in the Himalayas...go figure.

 


From Dharali we travelled down to Rishikesh a town known for its dozens of yoga ashrams. It was made famous by the Beatles in 1968 and was where they composed much of the material for their White Album.
True to popular belief, there are cows and giant mutant sized bulls wandering the streets, people pat the sacred animals as they walk by...or stare at you like they know you eat meat and may or may not gore you with their horns if you start thinking steaky thoughts.
While we were watching ths ceremony by the banks of the Ganges, where people placed offerings into the river a young couple with an infant, motioned to me to take a photo, i put out my hands for the camers and they handed me the child (I am not a kid person) and took a photo of me holding it. Similar things happened throughout the trip and a taxi driver in Delhi told me that it was because I look a Bollywood star, Preity Zintar...that poor couple, they must be so disappointed, now they have a photo of a random and very uncomfortable looking Australian girl holding their kid.


Yup...the resemblance is uncanny. Best Blogger Tips

Indian Times Part 2...

In hindsight, I probably should have put this post first...On our way to and from Gangotri, which was our starting point for the trek, we stayed in a couple of little towns;

Haridwar is considered one of the 7 most holy places to Hindus and is home to Har Ki Pauri (footsteps of the Lord) the most sacred ghat. It was here that my mother was offered marijuana by a local which, to this day she denies accepting...and to this day I don't believe her, the woman had the giggles for hours. Altitude my foot! Here we also bathed in the incredibly cold (glacial waters ) and fast flowing Ganges which is said to wash away your sins and provide spiritual release. 

It is here also that I lied (a little) to a Hindu priest; while making an offering to the Gods, he asked me to bless my family (mother, father, brother) and then asked whether I had a man at home "yes" he looked at me a little confused and asked me if I was married so under the disapproving eye of the white dressed man on my right in the picture below I said that, yes, I was married...rather than explain to him that I am living in sin, and sould the Gods please bless us.

I had intended to make my India posts only 2 parts but for the sake of being able to add all of the photos that I want to, it will be 4 parts...



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