BIRTHDAY PARTY!! A five year olds dream, a place of balloons and wonder and clowns (before Stephen King went and ruined them with It) a wonderous land where you got to eat cake and begrudgingly watch the birthday child open your gift, which you personally thought was much more suited to your own taste than theirs hoping secretly, the whole time that they will give it back to you for this reason thus proving you right to your mother who insisted that you HAD to take a gift.
I went along to this particular birthday wearing my little blue dress with geese on it...yes there were some misgivings about once again being made to wear a dress. I mean really, of all the places where a five year old Cakes all hopped up on birthday cake and sugary niblets was going to run and jump and climb and skip and do all the things that are inappropriate for a young lady in a dress to do...a birthday party was pretty much the top of the list.
The girl who's 5th birthday party I was attending was held at her home which was quite sizeable, like a lot of houses in the area and had a tennis court, a gaggle of squealing five year old girls and a professional face painter. I waited patiently-ish for the other girls to have their beaming faces adorned with fairies and rainbows and butterflies. The line of children shortened as the girls skipped past me one by one with their faces a never ending collage of pink and glitter. FINALLY it was my turn, the face painter dipped her brush in the bright swirling pink on her palette and smiled at me "and what would you like to be? A fairy? Perhaps a pretty butterfly?" Had my innocent little mind been exposed to such language I would have retorted "Bitch please." But it hadn't. I looked scornfully at the offensive pink paint and told her "I want to be a spotted dog." There was a moment of silence, a look of confusion and i'm pretty sure that in that instant a few fairies died. But I didn't care...I was a spotted DOG!
I spent the remainder of the afternoon hurtling around on a little metal tricycle which I can only assume that I acquired from one of the hosts children on the tennis court terrorising the fairies, rainbows and butterflies.
Because that's what a spotted dog would do.