Thursday, March 31, 2011

It was a Point-Toed, Flat-Heeled, Pleather Purple People Eater

My taste in shoes, as widely reported, leans heavily in favour of something with a significant heel and extraordinary powers of leg elongation. So it comes as no surprise that when confronted by this:

It can only be described as a punch in the throat to my sense of fashion, style, goodness and positive things in general. And while the point can be made that I couldn't think of any other verbs which could describe the shoes and left "people eater" at the end, I have no doubt that it could have eaten a person.

They looked hungry.

And mean.

The shoes in question had a slightly higher heel, a slightly longer point and they didn't have the white stitching but that's pretty much it down to the cheap faux leathery sheen. Worn with cropped pants leaving stockinged ankles on display it was a veritable disaster. 

Yes, I am aware that both Chloe and Christian Louboutin have produced a similar and obviously much higher quality and slightly more credible shoe but this does not mean that we should all go out and start investing in royal purple, pointy, patent, pleather flats nor does it excuse the fact that the offending shoes were awful looking, ill fitting and generally speaking, bad. Also anything, shoes included, which causes as much alliteration as that should be destroyed.

I'm just saying.

I have no explanation for the production of either of these shoes by designers who I hold in high esteem and can only assume that like the 'flatform' disaster that has flooded the runways of New York Fashion Week, the shoe powers that be are poking fun at us, they have given us something to confuse us while they sit back and chuckle at our confusion.

How do I know that this taunting of us by the shoe powers occurs I hear you ask? 

This is how:
Christian Louboutin Pigalle Flat
Christian Louboutin Pigalle 120 Patent Pump
That's right, Mr Louboutin was having a funny, he lopped off the 5 inch stiletto heels of these babies, sat back and watched us squirm. Sorry buddy but i've got your number!

I can't believe I just called Christian Louboutin buddy...i think I should take a time-out in the naughty corner to think about what i've done. A little light self-flagellation wouldn't go astray for that little piece of blasphemy.

Anyway, to restore your faith in footwear and for the sake of lollipops, hugs, rainbows, puppies and positive things in general...

THIS is how you do a purple shoe.
Nicholas Kirkwood X - Front Platforms
Charlotte Olympia Paloma
Dior Cutout Wedge Sandal
Balenciaga Suede and Stingray Platform Sandals
Charlotte Olympia Elvira
Brian Atwood Maniac Platform Pump
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