Monday, March 21, 2011

Flatforms...really?

I should have expected it. I should have seen it coming. It is inevitable that any relationship will hit a rough patch. And despite my many prayers to the contrary, this one is no exception.

I thought that it was just a once off, that I could ignore it and sweet it under the proverbial carpet in that overly common and marginally unhealthy manner that most people in a relationship will do at one stage or another. But when designer after designer sent models down the runway in flats and "flatforms" I knew that I could no longer stand idly by in silent acceptance of my lovers misdemeanour.

A relationship should be a two way street but while i'm giving you my love, interest and support, Fashion Week, you're giving me this?

Prada Patent Leather Platform $650
I do understand what Lanvin's Alber Elbaz meant when he told InStyle magazine that you should buy shoes that you're comfortable in. But Alber...i'm comfortable in 5 inch heels! I have been wearing them so long that the nerve endings in my toes and the balls of my feet have been conditioned such that I am impervious to any pain or discomfort that seems to plague the general public. I am often baffled by the scores of young women carrying their beautiful shoes and walking barefoot through the city after a big night out:

1. If you're going to buy them...suck it up and wear them.
2. Ew!

At the same time I don't abuse my stilettos such that the padding in the balls of my feet will be utterly destroyed by middle age because well...i'm still going to need feet in my 50's. I definitely understand that it put the models at ease, not having the inherent fear of being the first girl at Fashion Week to fall prey to the 6+ inch heels that stampede every runway and have physiotherapists and orthapedic surgeons the world over cringing to their core.


Believe it or not, I do have flats in my collection, my favourite? A pair of ever so cute Sigerson Morrison 9612 Nero Suede ballet flats which, when teamed with the right outfit are make for an impeccable and sparkly footwear choice. And even the most seasoned heel wearer is forced to admit that heels are not always appropriate for every occasion. Shock horror. And before you start screaming blasphemy, prodding me with pitchforks and dragging me to the stake to burn me for my herecy stop and wonder if perhaps those heels that you wore with that maxi dress for a casual summer rooftop partydidn't leave you looking mighty overdone amid the sea of sundresses and embellished leather flats.


Derek Lam
Anna Sui

So yes, I do understand that there is a time and place for flats and that you don't always need your legs to be elongated and your calves to be accentuated or to take advantage of the fact that no matter how tall your heels, unless you invest in a pair of stilts you will never be taller than your male counterpart (don't pretend that if you're going out with a short man, your shoe options aren't limited). I am the first to say that I am a fan of strappy flat Spring/Summer sandals perfect for afternoon picnics in the Botanical Gardens and such.

Michael Kors
Derek Lam
But I ask you. Flatforms?

Are you sure?

I have a feeling that I am the butt of some strange prank or that I am on the outer of an exclusive geisha-inspired inside joke concocted by Derek Lam, Karl Lagerfeld, Miuccia Prada and Phillip Lim just to fuck with me. Just for the record, guys. This shit isn't funny.

And last I checked, the Geneva Convention rules against cruel and unusual punishment.


I have just come to terms with but haven't taken part in the wooden clog craze that invaded the country last season and is still seemingly adorning the feet of every one that isn't me
Chanel
Prada

I do also of course understand (aren't I very understanding in this post!) that you don't have to wear everything that trots down the runway at New York Fashion Week, partially because you would have to sell a kidney and probably part of your liver to pay for it and partially because it isn't necessarily for everyone. I'm sure that there are people out there on whom the flatform will look rather fetching, rather than something reminiscent of the Spice Girls in the 90's as I fear that I would.

I however will be sticking to what I know and if anyone says that pointy toed kitten heels are making a comeback, there will be blood.


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1 comment:

  1. I agree !
    Summer is about light, colourful freedom.. I don't understand the clunky Clarke's rejects either, no matter how well made or accessorized.

    Love this post :D

    Jess Xxx

    http://thebestfashionbibleblog.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete