Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Online Sales of Doom

As we know, my time at my curent job is winding down, we have reached the final stretch...the last week. I will leave the comfort of my office and my boss/bestie and venture out into my new role.

The hardest thing about changing jobs, especially when jumping from a weekly to monthly pay arrangement is making your holiday payout stretch through until the first pay. Making sure that you have enough funds to cover rent, car payments, bills and food shopping. Never mind that you need to buy new appropriate corporate wear and shoes for your new role because, lets face it...having been in a fashion office for the past 2.5 years, I have slowly but systematically sold off all of my corporate clothing on eBay to fund the purchase of cute tops, leather jackets and shoes for the old job...which incetentally aren't really appropriate for the new job.


So while I lose sleep over whether I am going to be able to eat for the next month and whether I cna make my exceedingly limited (1) pair of suitable pants work for me until my first pay (its not looking good) I am bombarded with a barrage of SALE emails. What could be crueller?

The world "sale" used to fill me with joy at the anticipation of discounted fabulousness and that ever elusive urban shoe myth much like the Manolo Blahnik Mary Jane of SATC, which is found deep in the heart of the Vogue accessories closet and I actually don't fancy...and will probably be struck down by the shoe gods for admitting. But for us mere mortals who will never be behind the scenes at Vogue we dream, more simply of the two-for-one sales at a tiny boutique full of Parisian hand crafted, 5-inch perfection.

So fuck you ASOS, Victoria's Secret, Witchery, limited offer discounted magazine re-subscriptions, and all the private shopping sites which I am a member of (my fault I know. I'm kind of masochistic like that). How thoughtless of you to dangle the stylish yet affordable, to all those not on a hyper budget, carrot in front of my face. To show me in crystal clear, 17-inch screen glory all the things which I cannot afford. Sure, go ahead and repeatedly flash those reasonably priced studded platform d'Orsay pumps at me. Thanks.

No really!

I appreciate it.

Excuse me for a moment while I throw myself out a window.

I don't want to know about your free shipping or your further 20% off. I don't want to know that I can now shop in Australian Dollars or that you are giving away a free puppy with purcahse (I lie...noone is offering a free puppy and if they were you'd better believe that i'd buy whatever they are selling!)

Show me those ultra flattering black pants which would hug in the right places and give me Cameron Diaz's legs in an appropriately conservative and product enthusiasm enducing manner.

My apologies that my ranty post about budgets and sale emails wound up at Cameron's legs...no i'm not and neither are you.

I can't explain how relieved I am that none of the emails or shopping websites that have ben tortuing me have used Cameron Diaz as their 'face-of' model because whatever she is wearing, selling, doing...I want it.


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  1. I feel that way about Miranda Kerr! That woman could tell me that faeces was her staple diet and I would be exhuming my neighbourhood septic tanks!!

  2. HAHA its like that...they're just so damn perfect, who can ehlp but hang on their every word!!