So I have undeniably been neglecting Something Cakes of late, in truth I haven't even logged onto Blogger in about a month. The events of my life over the past month have been a little trying and while I have been left with plenty of time on my hands, I have not really been in a headspace where writing has been at the forefront of my mind. Also, I didn't want to start writing again until I had something else to write about in saying that I will write about it once and once only because no one wants to read Emo Cakes posts until the end of time!
What I have realised lately, is how your reaction to events of great emotion changes as you grow up. It is the difference in your ability to accept change and look at the bigger picture rather than spending what is seemingly an eternity wallowing in self pity that shows you that you have grown and changed.
At 16 I became the poster child for teen angst. I effectively lost my shit, I became angry, sullen and self destructive...the way that teenagers do. I hurt myself, was a terrible friend and in all honesty probably not a good person in general. I not only wallowed in my pain but allowed it to consume me, using it to justify sub-par behaviour for years. I refused to address it, burying it deeply allowing it to take root in the very fibre of my being, influencing and dictating everything I did.
At 21 I ran. Immediately. I then proceeded, once again to bury my feelings by any means possible. I kept myself busy "fixing" other people so that I didn't have to work on myself. I let myself be taken advantage of by people who called themselves my friends. I ignored reason and responsibility and paid the price.
At 24 I embraced it. I had learned by now that acknowledging your pain doesn't make you weak, that just because things happen you don't have to implode. That loving someone and being loved means not only that you want them but above all else that you want them to be happy and sometimes love means letting go. I learned that I am stronger than I thought, that I have truly incredible friends, that my family are amazing and that there is a person in my life who knows me better than anyone else and who I continue will support and encourage because he is the best person I know.
So that's it.
When shit happens be graceful, there is no need for nastiness, you will end up feeling like an ass.
Let yourself feel whatever you're feeling because sooner or later it will surface, better to embrace it than let it destroy you.
Rely on your friends. They won't begrudge you your tears nor will they judge you for being emotional. This is what friends are for. Friends are amazing.
Smile. Because the sun will still come up tomorrow and you really will be ok.
Love. Because there is no feeling quite like it. And its fan-fucking-tastic.